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I was
raised a secular humanist. When I went to college, through the influence of a
friend, I started investigating Catholicism. After two years of intense study
I became a Catholic. |
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I was
zealous. I kept studying the lives of the saints and the teachings of various
prominent Catholics. I often went to Mass several times a week,
and sometimes every day. I transferred to a Catholic college in order to take
classes in religion. |
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I entered
the convent for several reasons. I wanted to be closer to God and to serve
Him more whole-heartedly. I wanted to learn more about God and spend my life
being more intensely focused on Him. And I believed that God wanted me to be
a nun. |
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The
convent was not a healthy place either spiritually or emotionally. Our
self-imposed penances and mortifications and other attempts to make ourselves
more holy actually encouraged self-righteousness. We were not allowed to have
friendships or to be close to any human being. We were supposed to be
emotionally detached. We were taught to love people in a detached, impersonal
way. |
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This is
not Biblical. When God said, "It is not good for man to be alone,"
He was referring to more than just marriage. The Bible encourages close
relationships. Our example of the perfect human being is Jesus. He was
unmarried but he was not at all emotionally detached. He wept publicly. His
heart was moved with compassion. He made many statements that showed strong
emotions. |
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I left the
convent after two years, before making vows. I was still a novice, undergoing
extensive training and "spiritual formation" in preparation for taking
vows. |
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After I
left the convent I was frustrated with the local Catholic churches. I did not
see strong faith or zeal for God. Some of the priests preached things that
were so contrary to Scripture that they were acutely distressing to me. One
time it was so bad that I left in the middle of Mass and stood outside in the
street, weeping. But I came back into the church in time to take communion. |
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My parents
had become Christians and they were members of a Protestant church. I visited
their church and found that I was hungry for the bible-based teaching. So I
started doing the splits. For years I went to early morning Mass and then
went to my parents' church. |
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Eventually
I left the Catholic Church and joined my parents' church. And I finally found
the personal relationship with God that I had been looking for all my life. |
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I used to
be all tied up in rules, regulations and rituals. But now I have found a
wonderful, vibrant, personal relationship with the Creator of the universe,
who loves me. And with Jesus Christ who loves me so much that He died for me.
And He has put a new song in my heart... |
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JESUS,
YOU'RE THE LOVE |
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Jesus,
You're the Love who'll never leave me. |
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You're the
love who'll always understand. |
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You will not
forsake me or deceive me. |
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You'll
stay by my side until the end. |
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When I'm
afraid, You'll wrap Your arms around me. |
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You're the
faithful friend who's tried and true. |
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No matter
what the troubles that surround me |
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You will find
a way to get me through. |
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Your love
is strong; it's deeper than the ocean. |
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It's
higher than the moon and stars above. |
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When earth
and stars are gone and time has ended, |
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I'll still
live, rejoicing in Your love. |
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Mary Ann
Collins |
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maryanncollins@juno.com |
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