Marriage
|
13. Dear brother Butindaro, peace to
you! I would like to ask you a question concerning a sister I know
personally. She is baptized in the Holy Spirit and she is in love with a
brother who is separated from his unbelieving wife. This brother, who is baptized
in the Holy Spirit too, got married before he knew the Lord. After his
conversion, since his wife did not like his choice, she decided to leave him
(another reason why she left him was that she had a secret lover). This man
has acknowledged the mistake he made by marrying that woman, and he has asked
God to forgive him. He is 30 years old, and since his wife has decided to
apply for a divorce, which will take place within a year, he wants to get
married, even though he has insisted and prayed in order to prevent his
marriage from going to rack and ruin. Both of the former married partners
have no children. However, the strange thing is that both this sister and
this man feel a peace inwardly, as if they were approved by God! Even though
this sister knows that such a thing may be wrong, she says that just at the
thought of losing this man forever she feels lost. I have told her to wait
confidently in prayer, but she says that because of the spiritual condition
in which she is because of this situation, she probably won’t be able ‘to
hear’ the answer of the Lord. We know that if this brother remarries, first
of all he will act in an unbiblical manner, and then he will be compelled to
renounce all his rights in the Church. Now I ask you to tell me what you think
of this situation and to answer me with appropriate biblical passages, and
try to be as much clear as possible, and as much complete as possible. It is
of great urgency!!! |
|
In the
case you have told me, we have a believer who was converted while he was
already married, and because of his faith he was left by his unbelieving
wife, who had a secret lover and now wants to obtain a divorce. And he would
like to give her a divorce in order to marry this sister who, as you say, is
very much in love with him. Well, here is what the believer must and can do
according to the Word of God if he is left by his unbelieving wife: “But to
the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth
not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the
woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell
with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by
the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were
your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart,
let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but
God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou
shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save
thy wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Therefore this brother did a right thing
in letting her wife depart because she was no longer willing to live with him:
she departed, and thus he was not bound any longer to live with her (for she
was not willing to live with him). I repeat myself, he did a right thing in
letting his wife depart because it would have been harmful for him to force his
wife to continue to live with him. They would have continually quarrelled,
disputed, etc.. It would have been impossible to continue to live peacefully.
That’s why Paul says that in such cases a brother or a sister is not under
bondage (1 Corinthians |
|
Someone
may ask, ‘Why doesn’t God allow a believer to remarry even when he is left by
her unbelieving wife (no matter if she has already committed fornication or
she has not yet committed fornication)? Is this not an injustice suffered by
the believer because he is condemned to live in a situation not chosen by him,
that is, in a situation imposed on him by his unbelieving wife?’ That’s a
question which has been put to me many times, and my answer has always been
this. According to what the Holy Scripture teaches, the bond of matrimony can
be dissolved only by the death of one of the parties, for Paul says to the
Corinthians: “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but
if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will;
only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39), and to the Romans: “For the woman
which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he
liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her
husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man,
she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free
from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another
man” (Romans 7:2-3). |
|
Now you may
say to me, ‘In these passages Paul is speaking of the married woman and not
of the married man!’ That’s true, however why shouldn’t this principle be
valid for the man also? Is it not true that a married man also is bound to
his wife by the law of God? Of course, it is, for one day Jesus said: “Whosoever
putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and
whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery”
(Luke |
|
Therefore,
in the light of the Word of God, as long as both spouses are alive, neither
of them is allowed to remarry (even if the unbelieving wife has committed
fornication, or she has left her husband because of his faith, or because of
some other reasons) because such a marriage is adultery. I realize that this
seems to be a cruel and unjust prohibition of God, but it’s just a vain
appearance, the truth is that God, by commanding the believer not to remarry
as long as his unbelieving wife is alive, seeks the good of the believer and
not his ruin. So it is evident that the sister who is in love with this
brother, whose wife is still alive, cannot marry this man. She can marry him only
if the wife of this brother dies. However, if this sister is a divorcee (and
her husband is alive) she is not allowed to marry that man even if his wife
dies. |
|
Concerning
the fact that both of them claim that they have peace in their hearts, I do
not believe them because one (whether a believer or an unbeliever) who is about
to do something wrong in the sight of God cannot have peace. There is no
peace for those who want to do evil things. Suppose a man, who is about to rob
or kill somebody, should tell you that he is calm inwardly, would you believe
him? I don’t think, for it is written: “There is no peace for the wicked” (Isaiah
57:21 – NKJV). Therefore don’t be deceived by their words. Actually this
peace (they say they feel) is nothing but an allurement of sin, so they think
they have peace but actually they have no peace. On the other hand, since
they have already decided to get married, they could not tell you that they
are not calm inwardly. But sin always repays with death those who commit it,
and never with life. And I am sure that if this brother and this sister get
married unlawfully, they won’t have peace and they won’t be approved by God. |
|
I want to
tell you something that happened to me many years ago. One day I came to know
that a brother, who was unmarried, wanted to marry a sister who was a
divorcee (this sister was not Italian). This sister, in her nation, had
married an unbeliever, her pastor had told her not to marry that man but she
had refused to obey her pastor and thus married that unbelieving man. After
some time they divorced, and she came to |
|
That’s
what I think of this situation. |