Marriage
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12. Brother, peace to you …. I would like to ask you to explain to me
a biblical verse. In the first epistle to the Corinthians, Paul says that the
father who does not give his daughter in marriage does well (1 Corinthians |
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First of
all I want to quote all those biblical passages concerning the power the
father has over his daughter (that is, the power not to give her in
marriage): “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The
unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both
in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the
world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit;
not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely [proper],
and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. But if any man
think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the
flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth
not: let them marry. Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart,
having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in
his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. So then he that giveth
her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth
better” (1 Corinthians |
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Now,
sister, as you can see, Paul speaks of a believing father who has decided to
keep his believing daughter unmarried, for a short time before he speaks of
the difference which exists between a virgin and a wife: he says that the
unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both
in body and in spirit, while she who is married cares about the things of the
world. Therefore the reason why Paul says that a man who does not give his
daughter in marriage does better than a man who gives her daughter in
marriage (that means that the latter also does a right thing and he is not to
be blamed) is that in doing so his believing daughter will be able to devote
herself to the Lord better than a married woman who instead will have many
distractions. Therefore the purpose of the man who decides to keep his
daughter unmarried is a noble purpose. So the answer to your first question
is that a man still has this power over his unmarried daughter. I say again,
however, that here Paul is speaking of a believing man and of a believing
daughter, but that is not your case because you have told me that your father
is not a believer. Furthermore, according to your words, if your father came
to know about your choice, he would not forbid you to marry your believing
fiancé, for you say about your parents and the parents of your fiancé: ‘…. they
won’t accept this choice easily,’ which means that they would eventually
accept it, maybe reluctantly. Perhaps, at first your father would oppose you
but he would eventually be persuaded, it would not be the first time that
such a thing happens. Obviously this is just a deduction I am induced to make
on the basis of your words. |
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Will you dishonour
your father if you marry a believer without your father’s consent? No, you
won’t, because if God wants you to marry this man, that’s His will for you
and the will of God has priority toward the will of man. You quote the words
of Paul according to which children must obey their parents in all things:
however, I would like to point out to you that somewhere else he says:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1 –
NKJV), which means that obedience must always be in the Lord, and it can
never be outside the Lord. I give you an example: if a man commands his
daughter to prostitute herself to make money in order to supply the needs of
the family, she must not obey him because this obedience is not in the Lord.
So a girl who has known God, if God wants her to marry a certain believer
(because she is the woman appointed by God to become the wife of that
believer), cannot obey his unbelieving father who wants to forbid her to
marry him, because her obedience is not in the Lord. Do you understand my
words? |
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However I
hope you will get married without any opposition on the side of your father
(about whom I say to you that I hope he will turn to the Lord), and you may
live happily with the man God has chosen for you. |